Lots can and has been said about change.
Fundamental however, is that it is both inevitable and universal in all our lives.
An article by Liz Radford – Senior Care to Move Manager
Whether change is simply the unavoidable course of things (we go through progressive developmental ages and stages); is associated with our deliberate choice (we decide to marry/ separate, to downsize and move) or is the consequence of imposed circumstance (loss of a partner, frailty), it invariably has an emotional component, and usually a mix of emotion which can have both positive and negative parts – a simple example: we can be excited at the prospect of a ‘fresh start’ yet be distressed to be leaving a home full of family memories .
It is human nature that we ‘attach’ to people, places, and things. The value we instill in these connections reflects how we give meaning to our lives, and underpins, in part, who we are, and how we see ourselves, our identity.
When these valued connections are challenged or disrupted it is natural our feelings will be aroused, sometimes profoundly.
When the change requires an actual ‘letting go’, especially of what is dear and precious to us, a sense of loss ensues and a process of grief is a natural response.
How this is experienced is a fairly unique thing and will vary in intensity depending on many factors – how accustomed we are to attending to our emotions, how in control of our situation we feel, what mitigating positive factors we may recognise in our lives, especially the others we have for support in facing the change. Within a couple or family reactions can differ, even conflict. Undertaking profound change on one’s own can allow freedom and a degree of autonomy, but it also can feel very isolated.
Whatever the particular situation, the impact of these emotional responses should not be underestimated – they are a real part of the experience of significant change.
They require our attention. To the extent we can recognise, ‘allow’ and ‘process’ these we can avoid being caught by surprise, being undermined by them or their going ‘underground’ and expressed in ways we would not intend. That is, for our mental health, for preserving relations with others and for laying optimal groundwork for the new situation ahead, the feeling side should not be dismissed with truisms such as ‘it doesn’t matter’, it can’t be helped, ‘don’t be silly’, ‘it’ll be all right’.
Even though, rationally, the move may be ‘the good or right thing’ to do or, maybe, reluctantly, the ‘have to’ thing to do, emotions that accompany the actual doing can be surprising and even contradictory, that is challenging.
Ideally, in planning for any move, anticipating the emotional challenges, and allowing space to acknowledge and reconcile the various partings or losses, will pave the way for greater comfort and peace of mind. At the same time, pacing things this way isn’t always possible, and certainly it is often a pressure of time that drives things and occurs in the context of a necessary pragmatic approach.
There can nevertheless be ways to honour the emotion of the moment, and practical ways to preserve elements of what has been cherished, and capture memories.
Voicing what the move means can be a good start – allowing reflection, and talking with understanding others. Similarly, to help someone through a move, encouraging the expression of the feelings it arouses, listening to and validating them can be beneficial. Memory-making in advance of the move, perhaps written or recorded recollections, and photographically, can also have a place.
The process can be emotionally exhausting, and where possible, allowing time for rest and recovery at intervals also has value.
Whether an impending move is fully embraced or approached with reluctance, the Care to Move team, as ‘care’ in the brand highlights, is aware of and sensitive to these aspects of down-sizing or moving. We strive to respect the meaning and impact the change holds in each individual situation and to achieve the move in as truly supported and least stressful way possible.